What happens after the music stops? Life happens!

I reviewed my blog mission statement and I realize that my recent entries have dealt more with life issues, not just life as it relates to the music industry. Have I strayed from my mission? Are musicians and their families really all that different from people who are not, other than the fact that they possess some unique talents?

I stated in that mission that they have a platform that is unique, and they have unique struggles. I still believe that is the case. I have been pretty transparent about my life, my divorce, single parenthood, and dating after divorce. Whew! I have touched on many subjects. Life is a journey. I have read comments from readers, both here on my blog, and in inbox messages on FB. It seems that people from all job/ministry descriptions are looking for some common things: love, respect, and relationship. I also want to give my insights, not just in retrospect, but embracing my future.

I might always be known as an artist's ex-wife to some, and that's alright. I look at the entrance of new reality T.V. I don't even know the name of the new show with Will Smith's, Eddie Murphy's, and R. Kelly's ex-wives. I have heard that it is much more tastefully done than another reality T.V. show that shall remain nameless. The interest that this sparks is intriguing to me. People just really are curious about a life that seems really glamorous from the outside looking in. Are famous people, wealthy people, people with influence really better off than the average person when it comes to the things that matter in life? Many times their marriages don't last longer and they sometimes suffer untimely deaths. They often don't have close relationships with family members. What really is the attraction to musicians, actors, and politicians for some? Think about that in light of some of the headlines in the recent past.

I will probably check the new show out for myself. I agree, it would be interesting to see, not just how life was with the famous ex, but where their life journeys have taken them. How their experiences have helped them to improve, or have given them regret. Human experiences just really are very interesting to me. How does your identity change when a divorce occurs? How do your friends perception of you change? How do you view love in the future? Do you operate out of hurt in the next relationship? Do you even care to have another one right away, or wait? One friend, in a conversation, asked me, "Is the response you just gave me a result of divorce, or did you always think like that". I had to really think about it. Do we become jaded in some ways post divorce?

I'll give you some insight into my life, in hopes of inspiring, (part of my mission) people who are entering this new life after a divorce. Whether you're newly divorced, or have been single for a while, it is a very unique position to be in, especially in the church. Have you ever gone to a singles meeting at your local church and felt awkward? Did you wait to see if anyone else would raise their hand first to ask a questions, even if you knew you had one? Did you skip the singles meeting, thinking it wouldn't be fun, or worth your time? Men, did you skip it thinking... I know there will be a 10 to 1 ratio of women to men... and I'm not even goin there, lol. I know you have. I've talked to some of you.

 I won't even rehearse the pain of separating from someone you loved, maybe had a child with, built a business with, furnished a new home with, and traveled with. It is painful... let's just agree on that.  I have even talked to a couple of people who seemed quite relieved when their divorce was final. So, it just depends on the person and the circumstance. What it forced me to do, after the healing process, is to chart out a future, with help from God, that I could be proud of, and that my kids would view in a positive way.

The first thing, post healing, was to free my ex-husband from my hurt and pain. I don't think that was an event, but a process. I truly believe, whether you think it was right or wrong, whether you place blame on the other person or not, you have to let them go. It's for your own good. When I say let them go, I mean stop the blame game, and take ownership of your own happiness. It is possible, with the help of the Lord, to begin to see your future as bright and rewarding without continuing to mourn your past, or remain in  anger about it.  I have great memories of my past, and some regret,  but I am very careful not to live there.

It was also very rewarding to welcome a new relationship into my life. You begin to see that a love lost is not the end of the world. You begin to see yourself as someone very worthy of love, and someone who is not a victim, but a willing participant in a new relationship that you choose. I have learned so much about myself. I have learned more about the differences between how men and women think, and how those differences are often not understood, embraced, nor celebrated. I am starting to learn more about unconditional love.

1 Corinthians 13 describes love from more than one perspective. It tells you what it does and does not do..... doesn't rehearse past wrongs....... and suffers long. It gets pretty deep. It certainly is not all goose bumps and romance. It also mentions that it doesn't always seek to have it's own way, (paraphrased). I never realized how much people use control in relationships until I re-entered the dating scene.

A new relationship brings excitement, and a feeling that kind of sweeps over you. It reveals possibilities, differences, and sometimes insight to another person's dreams, if you're so blessed to be allowed there. I also know what it's like for that sweeping feeling to disappear, and for you to begin to know the difference between simple physical attraction and something that might last. I told you, it's a journey. I love the thought of connecting with someone at this time in my life. Have you ever said to yourself, "If I knew then what I know now"? Well, just think, you actually know something now that can help you make better choices the next time around. It's all in how you look at it. I am definitely an optimist when it comes to matters of the heart. I hope you are too.

 I, for one, am up for the journey. I will keep you posted. Don't forget to laugh along the way. Talk to you soon. Oh, and don't forget to add those comments.