2012 Is Here!

I know it's been here for thirteen days, but humor me. I don't have a slogan for you. I just like new beginnings of ALL kinds. The notion of a fresh start is appealing if it's a new year, a new loaf of bread, a new pair of jeans. I like NEW!

Having said that, I'd like to reflect on last year. I know, I started talking about new, and went right back to old. I think I need  to lead you up to the change. I got hired to a brand new job in August. I went from paraprofessional, ( assistant) to lead teacher. I teach fourth graders ELAR, (English Language Arts and Reading). Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it! My pay went up, and my responsibilities soared right with it. I am so grateful for the change. It has stretched me in so many ways. It hurts so good! I never new what I was capable of until now. There are mornings, I admit, at 5 AM, when I typically rise, that I don't look or feel like I appreciate the change. Let me just be real. Sometimes it's after I've gone to bed at midnight. I have pulled a few all-nighters too.

What it has taught me is that human beings are amazingly adaptable. We can rise to the occasion better than we think. I am half-way through the school year, and it's astonishing how fast that happened. I frequently hear people referring to "We need to do this or that by the end of the school year". I'm thinking, "The end?" Whew! I have some things I want to accomplish before "The end" of the year.

My students try my patience, they make me laugh, and they teach me. They notice everything like sweat under my armpits, and what earrings I wear. I found myself changing my bracelets after one student asked me, "Why do you wear those every day?" I started coordinating my outfits with jewelry in mind. It means they're very observant. Hopefully I can attach that to the lessons I teach.

I have met some great colleagues, and made some new friends. I also appreciate a hard days work and team work like never before. My team has gotten me out of some jams because we have each other's back.

The new year promises more adjustment and change. It's amazing how the human mind fights against it,  change that is, but rejoices in a job well-done after the change occurs. You see the wisdom of it after the fact. I have undergone so many changes this year at my job and in my personal life. My son, who will be fourteen in a few days, has matured before my eyes. I see the young adult features in his face. Suddenly the prospect of an empty nest creeps into my mind more often now. I say things like, "College is just a few short years away" with excitement in my voice, but the reality of it is, I can't imagine my life without him around much of the time. He is preparing to go away to school already, at least in his own mind. I can tell he is the kind of child that will want to leave the nest. He is very independent.

I am faced with the prospect of building a life, without kids, that is what I've always imagined. If I had my way, I probably would end up in Europe somewhere, with a backpack on my back, and a map in my hand. You see, I've "ALWAYS" lived with someone. I grew up in a family of ten children. I shared everything from my bed to my clothes. I used to lock myself up in the bathroom to have some time alone. I got married at twenty years old, and was married for seventeen years. I had a child, and adopted one, and after divorce I continue to be Mom to them. Life without anyone to plan for, drive for, live for, will be different. Oh yeah, I have four years to contemplate that, but based on how fast it went with my daughter, now almost twenty-four, this will go fast.

I think of remarriage often, yet I don't define my happiness by it. I love marriage. I like waking up to the person I love. Let's face it, we are relational beings. God spoke, "It's not good for man to be alone". I wasn't the one who penned that one. Movies seem better, food seems better, when you have someone to comment on it, at times. I talk to women all the time who are believing for a husband. I don't think I've uttered that phrase for a while. I do believe, but I just find myself not voicing it that way lately. I believe that whatever will  happen will happen, but thinking about it constantly can give off a scent of urgency that makes me think of a final exam or something. I like easy. I like lazy days that flow, conversations that flow, and I imagine a relationship that probably will just flow. I hear people say relationships are hard work. I think so too, yet in the beginning the work part seems comparable to the 5AM alarm buzzing in my ear. If you talk to men I've dated, they might say something different though. I can be very methodical at times.

Times have sure changed. Women used to be defined by whether or not they have a man, children, a beautiful home, etc. Now it is socially acceptable to be a career woman. I still have that beautiful dream in mind. I think I can have it ALL!