Life Goes On

I wrote this months ago......

I am sitting here saddened by the loss of two people in just one week, my cousin, and one of my best friend's brother. Thankfully, both were Christians who will be missed, but will be reunited with loved ones in glory. Thank God!

My sister, my Grandmother, and several aunts and uncles will be there when I cross over. I also look at how death, although it has lost its sting for the believer, still is our enemy. What is even more sobering is, life goes on. It seems fitting to suspend all bills, stop all work schedules for everyone who is mourning. Restaurants should give free meals. Police should not even think of pulling over someone who has had such a significant loss, yet, that is not what happens.

People ring the phone off the hook the week of the funeral, and the calls become fewer and farther between as time goes on. I wondered why, and then,  I realized, life goes on. I  thought, "Don't these people know my sister is dead? Don't they know she was only 46? Don't they know my son never really knew her? Don't they know? Maybe they did, maybe they didn't but, life goes on.

I wonder how people don't believe there is a God. Surely they know that the only reason we can keep it together is through his grace and power. What other explanation could it be? The only reason we don't stay in bed for a month after something like this is God himself. He gives us the comfort we need, and the strength we need when life goes on.

How do you survive divorce? How do you survive the loss of a child? How do you get over a pastor's death, as did my sister a few years back, and now my church family in Mississippi? God himself, the God of all comfort who promised to never leave us comfortless, but who said, "I will come to you," is here and with us now.

We keep going because of him, even when LIFE GOES ON.

What happens after the music stops? Life happens!

I reviewed my blog mission statement and I realize that my recent entries have dealt more with life issues, not just life as it relates to the music industry. Have I strayed from my mission? Are musicians and their families really all that different from people who are not, other than the fact that they possess some unique talents?

I stated in that mission that they have a platform that is unique, and they have unique struggles. I still believe that is the case. I have been pretty transparent about my life, my divorce, single parenthood, and dating after divorce. Whew! I have touched on many subjects. Life is a journey. I have read comments from readers, both here on my blog, and in inbox messages on FB. It seems that people from all job/ministry descriptions are looking for some common things: love, respect, and relationship. I also want to give my insights, not just in retrospect, but embracing my future.

I might always be known as an artist's ex-wife to some, and that's alright. I look at the entrance of new reality T.V. I don't even know the name of the new show with Will Smith's, Eddie Murphy's, and R. Kelly's ex-wives. I have heard that it is much more tastefully done than another reality T.V. show that shall remain nameless. The interest that this sparks is intriguing to me. People just really are curious about a life that seems really glamorous from the outside looking in. Are famous people, wealthy people, people with influence really better off than the average person when it comes to the things that matter in life? Many times their marriages don't last longer and they sometimes suffer untimely deaths. They often don't have close relationships with family members. What really is the attraction to musicians, actors, and politicians for some? Think about that in light of some of the headlines in the recent past.

I will probably check the new show out for myself. I agree, it would be interesting to see, not just how life was with the famous ex, but where their life journeys have taken them. How their experiences have helped them to improve, or have given them regret. Human experiences just really are very interesting to me. How does your identity change when a divorce occurs? How do your friends perception of you change? How do you view love in the future? Do you operate out of hurt in the next relationship? Do you even care to have another one right away, or wait? One friend, in a conversation, asked me, "Is the response you just gave me a result of divorce, or did you always think like that". I had to really think about it. Do we become jaded in some ways post divorce?

I'll give you some insight into my life, in hopes of inspiring, (part of my mission) people who are entering this new life after a divorce. Whether you're newly divorced, or have been single for a while, it is a very unique position to be in, especially in the church. Have you ever gone to a singles meeting at your local church and felt awkward? Did you wait to see if anyone else would raise their hand first to ask a questions, even if you knew you had one? Did you skip the singles meeting, thinking it wouldn't be fun, or worth your time? Men, did you skip it thinking... I know there will be a 10 to 1 ratio of women to men... and I'm not even goin there, lol. I know you have. I've talked to some of you.

 I won't even rehearse the pain of separating from someone you loved, maybe had a child with, built a business with, furnished a new home with, and traveled with. It is painful... let's just agree on that.  I have even talked to a couple of people who seemed quite relieved when their divorce was final. So, it just depends on the person and the circumstance. What it forced me to do, after the healing process, is to chart out a future, with help from God, that I could be proud of, and that my kids would view in a positive way.

The first thing, post healing, was to free my ex-husband from my hurt and pain. I don't think that was an event, but a process. I truly believe, whether you think it was right or wrong, whether you place blame on the other person or not, you have to let them go. It's for your own good. When I say let them go, I mean stop the blame game, and take ownership of your own happiness. It is possible, with the help of the Lord, to begin to see your future as bright and rewarding without continuing to mourn your past, or remain in  anger about it.  I have great memories of my past, and some regret,  but I am very careful not to live there.

It was also very rewarding to welcome a new relationship into my life. You begin to see that a love lost is not the end of the world. You begin to see yourself as someone very worthy of love, and someone who is not a victim, but a willing participant in a new relationship that you choose. I have learned so much about myself. I have learned more about the differences between how men and women think, and how those differences are often not understood, embraced, nor celebrated. I am starting to learn more about unconditional love.

1 Corinthians 13 describes love from more than one perspective. It tells you what it does and does not do..... doesn't rehearse past wrongs....... and suffers long. It gets pretty deep. It certainly is not all goose bumps and romance. It also mentions that it doesn't always seek to have it's own way, (paraphrased). I never realized how much people use control in relationships until I re-entered the dating scene.

A new relationship brings excitement, and a feeling that kind of sweeps over you. It reveals possibilities, differences, and sometimes insight to another person's dreams, if you're so blessed to be allowed there. I also know what it's like for that sweeping feeling to disappear, and for you to begin to know the difference between simple physical attraction and something that might last. I told you, it's a journey. I love the thought of connecting with someone at this time in my life. Have you ever said to yourself, "If I knew then what I know now"? Well, just think, you actually know something now that can help you make better choices the next time around. It's all in how you look at it. I am definitely an optimist when it comes to matters of the heart. I hope you are too.

 I, for one, am up for the journey. I will keep you posted. Don't forget to laugh along the way. Talk to you soon. Oh, and don't forget to add those comments.

Hope Deferred Makes The Heart Sick....

I have heard this scripture quoted when things didn't go some one's way. Sometimes it would be after an attempt to buy a home, or make a business move or something. It might come after a failed relationship, but whatever the case, I often heard that scripture partially quoted. I will quote the entire scripture: Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life, (Prov. 13:12 KJV).

People quote the painful part, but not the hopeful part of that scripture. I'm not sure why. What that says to me is "Keep on hoping, and keep on trusting God for the fulfillment of your hope." I also know that faith and hope are two necessary, but different things. Hope is confident expectation. Faith is confident assurance and a relying on God that what you have hoped for has already happened, by faith. This is always subject to the will of God, which is his Word.  Remember the scripture in Hebrew 11:1, Now Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Faith is also a spiritual force that has actions to support it. In other words, if you have faith that something that God has promised you has happened, by faith, you will have corresponding actions.

I know there are different schools of thought on how faith works, the faith of God to perform miracles, or the initial faith to be saved. I don't intend to get into a sermon here on the pros and cons of any one belief system. I don't think any Christian would argue that the two scriptures mentioned above are in the Bible, and are there for a reason.

I want to address the journey between promise and fulfillment. I am in that journey right now. I have put my faith out there for a number of things. I also adhere to the scripture, But, seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things will be added unto you (Matt 6:33). Some Christians don't even ask for things, but just keep seeking God knowing that the things they have need of he will supply. I agree. I just want to be clear on the journey to travel as I wait patiently for these things, pathways, opportunities to become clearer to me. I will give you an example. There are things clearly stated in the Bible, as I have already mentioned, that may need some personal instruction for the believer. One might wonder, do I move here or there? Do I take this job or that one? Do I nurture this relationship or that one? These are the things that make my walk with God very personal and dependent upon him.

How do you make potentially life changing decisions with confidence, not in whether or not God has an answer, or cares about the outcome, that's a given, but that YOU are hearing him correctly? That is the question I ask myself. Abraham thought sleeping with Hagar was a needed adjustment. Think about it, his own wife made the suggestion. Jonah dodged Nineveh with grave consequence. Paul made decisions, according to God's will, that led him straight to jail. Jesus Christ himself prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane to have this cup pass, but nevertheless, let thy will be done. That says a lot. Jesus knew he came to die, yet as the time approached, he spoke to the Father about making a change. I am grateful that he was willing to go the distance, according to the Father's will. This also says to me that unpleasant circumstances do not mean that you are outside of the will of God. That's the ultimate goal, to be in his will and plan, regardless of what it costs you personally. That can be a tough pill to swallow at times. Nevertheless, that is his expectation of us.

I know I'm in good company as a believer as I pray over, study God's word,  and get wise counsel over some  major decisions that have the potential to be life changing. I will allow myself the time and space to seek God concerning the how of his will. Typically, it is one step at a time with me. I see it like the Michael Jackson, Billie Jean video. That might seem like a weird thing to think of when writing about faith, but I think it's something we can relate to, and it gives you a good visual.  If you remember it, as he stepped, the next square lit up. He never walked, and saw the whole pathway light up. I see my faith walk like that. The next square or tile in my Christian walk lights as I step ahead. I never get the complete plan, just one piece at a time. I guess we all do. That's why faith is required. If you can see it, why would you need faith to believe it?

Sometimes I don't even think it's about making all the right moves, at least not on our own. Of course we don't want to blunder those important life changing decisions, but lets face it, we won't always be on point. We will miss it at times. I think it's the reliance on God to get us back on track, after a misstep, that is so important.

I also know that a major blunder, like moving too soon, or falling behind step in the leading of the Holy Spirit can cost you big. I'm trying so hard to avoid one of those. Think about it, if Isaac, after God told him not to go to Egypt, when everyone else was going during a famine, (Genesis 26) had done it anyway, he might have died. His family would have suffered. The Lord told him to stay were he was, plant in that famine, and he saw a harvest that same year. I know we have to be so careful not to run ahead of God, or to lag behind him  as he leads us.

My prayer for you today will be that you will be in God's will, and right in the middle of his timing. I pray that the tree of life spoken of in Proverbs 13:12 will be yours, even if your hope has been deferred, and you've suffered. Keep on hoping and keep walking by faith!

2012 Is Here!

I know it's been here for thirteen days, but humor me. I don't have a slogan for you. I just like new beginnings of ALL kinds. The notion of a fresh start is appealing if it's a new year, a new loaf of bread, a new pair of jeans. I like NEW!

Having said that, I'd like to reflect on last year. I know, I started talking about new, and went right back to old. I think I need  to lead you up to the change. I got hired to a brand new job in August. I went from paraprofessional, ( assistant) to lead teacher. I teach fourth graders ELAR, (English Language Arts and Reading). Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it! My pay went up, and my responsibilities soared right with it. I am so grateful for the change. It has stretched me in so many ways. It hurts so good! I never new what I was capable of until now. There are mornings, I admit, at 5 AM, when I typically rise, that I don't look or feel like I appreciate the change. Let me just be real. Sometimes it's after I've gone to bed at midnight. I have pulled a few all-nighters too.

What it has taught me is that human beings are amazingly adaptable. We can rise to the occasion better than we think. I am half-way through the school year, and it's astonishing how fast that happened. I frequently hear people referring to "We need to do this or that by the end of the school year". I'm thinking, "The end?" Whew! I have some things I want to accomplish before "The end" of the year.

My students try my patience, they make me laugh, and they teach me. They notice everything like sweat under my armpits, and what earrings I wear. I found myself changing my bracelets after one student asked me, "Why do you wear those every day?" I started coordinating my outfits with jewelry in mind. It means they're very observant. Hopefully I can attach that to the lessons I teach.

I have met some great colleagues, and made some new friends. I also appreciate a hard days work and team work like never before. My team has gotten me out of some jams because we have each other's back.

The new year promises more adjustment and change. It's amazing how the human mind fights against it,  change that is, but rejoices in a job well-done after the change occurs. You see the wisdom of it after the fact. I have undergone so many changes this year at my job and in my personal life. My son, who will be fourteen in a few days, has matured before my eyes. I see the young adult features in his face. Suddenly the prospect of an empty nest creeps into my mind more often now. I say things like, "College is just a few short years away" with excitement in my voice, but the reality of it is, I can't imagine my life without him around much of the time. He is preparing to go away to school already, at least in his own mind. I can tell he is the kind of child that will want to leave the nest. He is very independent.

I am faced with the prospect of building a life, without kids, that is what I've always imagined. If I had my way, I probably would end up in Europe somewhere, with a backpack on my back, and a map in my hand. You see, I've "ALWAYS" lived with someone. I grew up in a family of ten children. I shared everything from my bed to my clothes. I used to lock myself up in the bathroom to have some time alone. I got married at twenty years old, and was married for seventeen years. I had a child, and adopted one, and after divorce I continue to be Mom to them. Life without anyone to plan for, drive for, live for, will be different. Oh yeah, I have four years to contemplate that, but based on how fast it went with my daughter, now almost twenty-four, this will go fast.

I think of remarriage often, yet I don't define my happiness by it. I love marriage. I like waking up to the person I love. Let's face it, we are relational beings. God spoke, "It's not good for man to be alone". I wasn't the one who penned that one. Movies seem better, food seems better, when you have someone to comment on it, at times. I talk to women all the time who are believing for a husband. I don't think I've uttered that phrase for a while. I do believe, but I just find myself not voicing it that way lately. I believe that whatever will  happen will happen, but thinking about it constantly can give off a scent of urgency that makes me think of a final exam or something. I like easy. I like lazy days that flow, conversations that flow, and I imagine a relationship that probably will just flow. I hear people say relationships are hard work. I think so too, yet in the beginning the work part seems comparable to the 5AM alarm buzzing in my ear. If you talk to men I've dated, they might say something different though. I can be very methodical at times.

Times have sure changed. Women used to be defined by whether or not they have a man, children, a beautiful home, etc. Now it is socially acceptable to be a career woman. I still have that beautiful dream in mind. I think I can have it ALL!